Sister Adiuveris

Between us laid a permeating silence. I found it difficult to bare, on account of feeling an inadequate underclass in your presence, but bare it I did. If the silence delighted you, it would delight me also. I would not sully it. But I would also dare not to impose so as to ignore your presence. I delivered a subtle bow, hands clasped at the front of my habit, eyes closed in deference. And when I opened them again, you stood there still. The silence between us, statues in the midnight air, grew burdensome to the point where I believed I had misjudged my etiquette. "Welcome, my Lady." (text-colour:red)[["Thank you, sister."]] (text-colour:red)[["....."]]

Oh dear. Have I erred? I must admit, I cannot say I am familiar at all with how to deal with one of your stature. I am but a humble sister. I have never spoken to anyone grander than the vicar, and he is merely an old man of the cloth. I was behooven to try again, deeply ashamed though I was. I took a deep breath, another gentle bow, and began again. "Welcome to our dear little village, my Lady. I am one of the sisters of the nunnery here. If you require anything, I shall do my best to be of service." Again, you stared at me, the nervousness fresh on my tongue. (text-colour:red)[["Thank you, sister."]] (text-colour:red)[["......."]]

I responded with silence of my own, as terror gripped my heart. My knuckles whitened in my firm grip, and my lips sealed themselves shut, lest any more words capable of eliciting your indignancy escape them. My eyes were no longer capable of meeting your gaze, instead firing around hither and thither, as if I no longer had command of them. An eternity passed between us. An eternity much too long. My heart could not be still, my nerves could not but run lightning hot. I grew petrified in both body and mind, feeling as if seconds grew into eons. (text-colour:red)[[You walked away.]]

Laying your hands on another's rosary in such a manner is obscene, my Lady. But somehow, I doubt that this would have stopped you had you already known this. I did not yet have the opportunity to respond, as by then, you had already relinquished the last of the distance between us. Your face mere inches away, and your pale fingers curled around the crucifix of my rosary, gently pulling it away from my neck. I attempted to hold steady as best as I could, but nothing I could do would prepare me for this. "I would not presume, my Lady." My voice was meek and thin. Nothing that would have convinced you. (text-colour:red)["Then why are you trembling?"] I did not know. I could not tell. As far as I could tell, as far as I could muster, I was being brave. (text-colour:red)[["I can hear your heart beat ever so loudly."]]

To this, I responded with a curt nod. "It does, my Lady." Writ ever so subtly on your soft face, I saw this response amused you. I did not intentionally desire to be dishonest, and indeed I would sincerely claim this so. The night is calm, after all. The chaos of the day is not always welcome. Such a claim would be triviality before you, however. (text-colour:red)["You have odd habits."] Beneath slightly open lips, I gently grit my teeth. It is not wholly unusual to be awake during the night for certain duties, but it cannot be said that this is my habit. The quiet and calm of the evening may appeal to me, but I am not amiable to the cold, and I am loathe to be alone. "I apologise if it is unseemly to you, my Lady, but my duty is to stand vigil." I am not one to lie, for my conscience rebukes me when I do. This, then, was no lie. A self-appointed duty is yet a duty. (text-colour:red)["Vigil? A lone young lady?"] "Yes, my Lady." (text-colour:red)[["You must be very brave."]] (text-colour:red)[["The villagers here must be rather cruel."]]

Your voice nigh on betrayed your countenance, and I could not but fail to contain my surprise, as brief as it may have been. The wolf stood in front of me, yet spoke with the tone of a seraph. It stirred the heat of shame within me for my preconception, yet was mercifully washed away by the cold of the night. I momentarily closed my eyes and permitted myself a short bow in your presence. "Good evening, my Lady." The blood beneath my skin felt as if it were amidst a conspiracy of betrayal as my grace and courage were only scarcely enough to speak these words without hesitation or misstep. It was difficult to grasp the gravitas of being in the presence of anyone more than the clergy or commonfolk. I do hope you understand. The two of us would silently lock eyes yet again, with seeming nothing to speak of, yet silence wore neither of us well. I suspected your reasons for your coming here, yet I would not presume. Despite the scorn I have heard, I believe you are welcome here. (text-colour:red)[["Does the night please you, sister?"]] (text-colour:red)[["You are alone, I see."]]

"Y-yes, that is correct, my Lady." I had noticed my error no sooner than I had uttered it. This was not an appropriately valid answer. I opened my mouth to speak again, to correct myself, but you were quick in your own response. Even in the flicker of the lantern light, I saw ever the faintest smile. (text-colour:red)["A consort after all, then?"] That was a mistake! A clumsy mistake, yes, but need you have denied me my nervousness? "Ah... No, my Lady! O-or well, in a certain sense... Consort, I perhaps... I..." Bitter disdain grew within me for myself as I realised my own stupidity. Upon finally acknowledging your verbal snare that I had so clumsily fallen into, I resigned myself to it. "I suppose it is true. A consort, if you do not mind my impropriety." I held my breath and prayed you would forgive this obscene implication, even knowing it was your doing. (text-colour:red)[["Then I do hope I have not kept you waiting in this cold for long."]] (text-colour:red)[["Then I do wonder who is fit to be your regnant."]]

An abrupt and awkward bow was my response, I am no royal receiver, nor was I trained to be. Even so, I felt as if raked along the coals with the excoriation of embarassment. I consider myself a humble woman, but this one faux pas I prayed that you would forgive. "Of course, my Lady. Of course. Should you require anything at all, I w--" (text-colour:red)["You speak too much."] This curtness scored deeply into my spirit, and again I felt another fire of shame, as is evidently apparent, I am unfit to summon even a sow, let alone a noble. My eyes were the only possession of my body fit to rebel, and yet in their aversion, I glanced a smirk on your graceful face. (text-colour:red)["It disallows me the silence I need to admire you."] Shock could simply not have been writ more clearly on my face, as my eyes widened and my mouth parted. I almost spoke, yet even a graceless being as I could choke down the words before they fouled the air yet again, disappearing as if croaked by a frog. [[And to my discomfort, you laughed a strange, sweet, lilting laugh.]]

You strode forth another step, and it took every measure of willpower I was thence able to command to stop my own step backward. I suspected, however, that you sensed my hesitation. My skin ran cold, and my eyes trembled in their gaze. "Is it distasteful to you, my Lady?" You were close. A closeness one would only allow to those familiar. Family, warm friends, and the like. It was not a closeness I could claim to be comfortable with, but I was fain to assume that you delighted in this. My breathing grew careful and strained. My blood coursed wildly. You could sense this, could you not? It was in your nature to do so. (text-colour:red)["Do the rough men of your village grow impotent? To leave such a task to you?"] "They are not to blame, my Lady. I am here of my own accord." (text-colour:red)[["Is your accord, then, to stand vigil, or to consort with the night?"]]

My breath caught, and my heart strained. For just a moment, yes, but the insinuation struck me as so very dark. Whether you meant what I had so morbidly thought, I could not yet tell. But I hoped. "No, my Lady. They are good people." I wished to be courteous. As I was concerned, I simply did as I must. I would have been here had you come or not. And then you stepped forth. (text-colour:red)["Would 'good people' truly task you with this?"] My traitorous heart thought to claim my breath, yet I did not allow it so. Foolish I may be, you are indeed free to think so, I cannot allow myself to sway so easily. "What... do you mean, my Lady?" (text-colour:red)[["The night is no place for a girl to be alone."]]

I felt my eyes widen. A peculiar comment, to be sure. "My Lady, I was not expecting your, or anyone for that matter, to come." (text-colour:red)["Is that so? Would that have been your preference?"] I then understood that peculiarity to be intentional. I am told that the upper classes wield dangerous rhetoric. What is meant by 'dangerous', then? I was to find out. I was ensnared between the undesirability to offend, and the undesirability to lie. Dishonesty is, however, the greater sin. Offend as I may, I can but control my own actions. "I had... hoped I would not come to danger this night." Did this amuse you? I would have liked to say that I did not understand why, but I have my suspicions. Forgive me, my Lady, but some aspect of you enjoys torment. (text-colour:red)[["And? Do you find me a danger?"]]

I felt my eyes widen. A peculiar comment, to be sure. "My Lady, you misunderstand. As you must know, I have taken vows that I can be consort to no one." (text-colour:red)["Is that so? That is truly a shame."] I then understood that peculiarity to be intentional. I am told that the upper classes wield dangerous rhetoric. What is meant by 'dangerous', then? I was to find out. I know not what concerns you or your station, or what they speak of in the halls of wealth and privilege. But the position of those of the faith are surely known to you, are they not? "I apologise, my Lady. But I have made my vows to the Lord, and breaking them invites danger to my soul." Did this amuse you? I would have liked to say that I did not understand why, but I have my suspicions. Forgive me, my Lady, but some aspect of you enjoys torment. (text-colour:red)[["And? Do you find me a danger?"]]

"I... am indeed, my Lady." Your tone was as a violent knock on the door, not the greeting of a gregarious neighbour but of an inquisitive lawman. To this, I was frightened, but it was not yet enough to perturb me. My hands kept clasped shut in front of me, and I stood still as if to attention. I did not know your desire here, but here was I my most desperate to find out. (text-colour:red)["Is that wise?"] Only three words were all that would be sufficient to confirm my fears. Beneath my habit, I subtly shuffled in deep discomfort. I breathed in sharply, and yet commanded my nerves to halt. I could not afford any weakness in your presence. I believed you to be a dangerous, violent presence. "Wise or not, it is necessary, my Lady." (text-colour:red)[["How unfortunate."]]

My breath caught, and my heart strained. For just a moment, yes, but the insinuation struck me as so very dark. Whether you meant what I had so morbidly thought, I could not yet tell. But I hoped. "Thank you, my Lady." I wished to be courteous. As I was concerned, I simply did as I must. I would have been here had you come or not. And then you stepped forth. (text-colour:red)["Or very foolish."] My traitorous heart thought to claim my breath, yet I did not allow it so. Foolish I may be, you are indeed free to think so, I cannot allow myself to sway so easily. "What... makes you say that, my Lady?" (text-colour:red)[["The night is no place for a girl to be alone."]]

Scant few things are known of your nature, and those that are spoken, are spoken of with trembling yet venomous tongues. One could consider that enviable, perhaps, to be both hated and feared. I know not which you prefer. I wondered to myself if I dare even ask. I held a rosary tightly in my hands, and hoped with all my heart that He would guide me. Yet I know that it is not His work to deliver us. For all that may happen, I am not a warrior, nor a doctor, nor an alchemist. I can do naught but beseech for the safety of those here. They are defenceless. This, they know. No garrison nor castle is stationed here, no royal guard nor lawman. A fence and gate protect from the wildlife, and the men of the village may brandish their tools. But it would not suffice would the worst come to pass. Not from the worst of men. [[Not from you.]]

It is a long journey to the capital, to where one must venture southward. The congregation here, myself included, merely stand in the way. A rustic diversion for the weary traveller, perhaps, but no more. The road, then, is well worn, and those on their journey are more than welcome to sup at our doors. It is our charge, that He has given us, to accommodate all who call. Yet it is only typically those weary, needy, or simply of stringent means that ask anything of us. They come while the sun still shines, and they do not come alone. The brothers and the vicar have long since retreated to sleep. They have assured me, confident in His protection and grace, that this lonely village harbours nothing that would delight those outside His love. So the ascetic philosophy goes, the thief cares not for those with nothing to steal. [[I knew this, yet the thorn laid prickly in my conscience.]]

In sombre wordlessness, I could only stare. Even when the understanding of the peril I was in would finally seek my nerves, I would not dare insinuate it as such. I would deign to you no disrespect, victual that I am. It is a dignity we both may be afforded. And yet it seemed more akin to a satire. A farce. You, of noble pedigree, stood before myself, a mere daughter of the cloister. The black and white of my habit, meant for no more than modesty and function, near the immaculate red and silver of your outerwear. Where mine flickered in the wind for want of stability, yours commanded presence in its gust, instead. I would have called you beautiful, with a sincerity beyond the mere obsequiousness of the difference in our stations. Your silvery hair amidst your alabaster pallor, so it brought to mind a saintly beauty that coloured many a story here. Yet your eyes brought a grave intentionality. I looked into them not for the desire to appreciate their beauty, but to demonstrate, however quaintly, what I could call valour. You stopped, mere paces from me. The silence still fell, yet we are within a whisper's reach. As is the common etiquette, I shall not speak until I am spoken to, my Lady. (text-colour:red)[["Good evening, sister."]] (text-colour:red)[["..."]]

I stood still and alone. The minutes and hours concerned me not. Even as the wind bit and the sway of the trees brought my own anxiety to me in the seeming form of apparitions. A senseless vigil, one may say. I would hope for senselessness, myself, but I allowed myself no respite. I could not wager this. I clutched myself for warmth that would not come, and breathed ever more shallowly than I was already. I looked into the yonder. Something compelled me so. A shiver of apprehension seared my bones more severely than the cold. The shadows stirred, and a figure emerged. Yours. Far between us it may have been, yet I knew your stare came this way. The light of the lantern, perhaps, or simply your talent for sprying silhouettes. Despite the still of the night, I could not hear your approach, only watch as you approached. [[No more was I safe in my solitude.]]

I stood at the top of the hill, among the graves, looking out toward the trees. It was cold, and the wind was unkind. It blew with a sharp certainty, with the fabric of my habit finding itself short of sufficient. The moon glowed, and yet it was only barely enough. The village I lived in was modest indeed. The people here are humble and of meagre means, and they had no business here in the night. The streets were vacant and still, and the lampposts flickered with only a small shine. My charge, then, was the church on top of the hill. Tall and stone, stained glass and polished pews, it looked over the village. Our collective pride, a monument of worship and safety, where even our most modest could bask in His warmth. All travellers shall be welcome, even you. It is here I wait to greet you. I had heard, from whispers over withered grapevines, that you had awoken again. A great and fierce title, I am told. Noble and feared. Many stories of your deeds, and of your nature, spoken in hushed tones lest they invoke you. Forgive their impropriety, I ask. My frigid hands clasped in prayer, my voice a nigh-trembling whisper only to myself, a lantern as my only companion perched atop a headstone. [[I waited for you.]]

I could see naught but a blur. A haze of dull colour. Of red. I could not think but be in shock. Such alacrity is unnatural. The only motion of mine that found its way to reality was a mere raise of my arms in vain protection, yet it was a single frond against a raging tide. You collided with me as one so trivially wipes ash from one's cheek. The dull pain of striking the floor came first, yet it was not of that which I was truly afraid. I suspected, I had my doubts, but it were none so harrowing as to see them confirmed in the direst possible way. Despite my desperation, I could no longer see your face. I could offer no resistance. And through my cold, defenceless flesh did your fangs pierce. Like a nightmare where one must run but cannot wake, I felt my life powerlessly drain from me. (text-colour:red)[[Mercifully, you withdrew, and spared me my life.]] (text-colour:red)[[Inexorably, you claimed my life through your teeth.]]

Stricken in disbelief, I watched as you turned your back, as if carried by the wind itself away from me. Whatever motivated you or stirred within your thoughts, I could have only guessed. I did not move for fear of upsetting you further, or delivering more of an insult than I already must have. Not a single limb responded until you were gone. I retreated to my dormitory, unsure of what to think, or of what to feel. [[Was it mercy? Disgust? Dispassion? Have I insulted you? Or did you choose to spare me my life?]]

As you said this, I realised the true extent of the danger. In peril. And in no small part did my nerves make this known. I breathed merely stilted and incomplete. Each limb trembled both from cold and terror. My tongue would scarcely act as I commanded it. This must have greatly amused you, but I have never been in any true danger to my life. The church was, above all, a safe place to be. The people here are simple and gentle. I have never been so accosted, until I met you. But I would not beg nor shriek for my life. If the Lord calls me, He calls me. "Do as you please, my Lady." A small measure of relief this was that this elicited a gentle laugh from you. (text-colour:red)[["Aha, dear sister. You must think me a monster.]]

With this, I found the strength to command my body as if it were again my own. I raised my hand in response to the arm that clutched my rosary, near the wrist, but only grasped it gently. My eyes met yours, unblinking and still. I wonder what would come to pass had we met in more favourable circumstances, and perhaps if you were not what you are. And yet I could not help but find the wonder in it. You are very beautiful, my Lady, of such lithe, perfect grace, and of visage as if carved out of the passion of Eros himself. This I shall opine without shame. Were I perhaps a noblewoman myself, I would be bitterly envious of you. "Heed not my idle thoughts on you, my Lady." (text-colour:red)["Shall that be an admission?'] I know not if you truly cared what I thought of you, or merely pretended as such to needle me for your pleasure. "It shall." [[You opened your mouth, akin to a viper, and ran your tongue along your teeth, fang to fang.]]

With the hand I had yet free, I grasped at the hood of my habit and pulled backward. In doing so, first allowing my loose hair to flow in the night air. Unlike yours, mine was rather unkempt and stiff. I was permitted to grow it long, but it was not in etiquette to allow it visible. Further, I pulled, and the fabric gave way. The chill of the night was thankfully not felt past the heat of my temperament. I noticed you watching me with a lascivity in your eyes. Impatient and lustful. You are a grave sinner, not only to compromise a sister of the cloth, but to indulge in doing so. "Shall you promise to leave the villagers unharmed, my Lady?" (text-colour:red)["Mmm?"] The amusement in your voice paired as the off-hand dagger to the narrowness of your eyes. "For their safety, I offer myself." (text-colour:red)[["How very intriguing, sister. How very selfless."]]

To this, I remained silent. I had given my offer, and it was yours to prove that there was any honour left in your soul. (text-colour:red)["I accept."] I noticed the way you tilted your head and impatiently sharpened your teeth against each other. Relief and despair struck in equal measure, near simultaneously. The tenseness of my body gave way, and I thanked the Lord that the men and women here were now safe. But the bargain must first be fulfilled, and you were consumed with impatience. I felt your finger trace along my neck, no doubt where the pulse hides beneath the skin. (text-colour:red)["Shall we savour this moment?"] "If it would please you, my Lady." You came yet closer, your cheek brushing against mine. I keenly felt the strange softness of your cold skin, and the way you did not breathe before you spoke. (text-colour:red)[["Answer honestly, or I will tear you from your habit"]]

"That... that shall not be necessary, my Lady, I..." My words were quiet, stilted, and stuttered. In truth, I did not know what you wanted to hear, but I did know that it perhaps mattered not. You found amusement in this, did you not? "Do as you please, my Lady." A cat will often allow a mouse to run as far and as fast as it can, for the cat understands that this final defiance of death is in vain. No matter the effort, the mouse will not elude the cat, and its attempt merely serves to tire itself out such that it will elicit no struggle when the cat decides to bite. This, too, is your intention with me. "My desires are unimportant." (text-color:red)["Ah, so modest, so polite."] Some part of me is glad for you to think so. (text-color:red)[["And yet my question remains unanswered, does it not?"]]

Without even the merest moment of deliberation, I took a step back, my habit ruffling in the violence of my motion and the panic writ clear on my face for a sufficient second. "May I ask you to elaborate, my Lady?" Already, I felt the thunder of my heart within my chest, and the unwelcome gnawing of the cold of sweat on my back. Yet this seemed to concern you naught whatsoever. You looked over your shoulder without a discernible passion, as if struck by annoyance. I could detect nothing worth your notice, especially not within the calm of this night. All I understood was the moment in which you considered me beneath your dignity. [[You looked back toward me, with some indescribable vile emptiness in your eyes.]]

Hatred? Disgust? Disdain? I have offended you greatly, and for this, I apologise. My hands squirmed akin to maggots, and my jaw locked to my teeth as if wrought from iron. I could understand not even a modicum of your spite, and yet, if I were able, I would command my heart to stop so as to spare you any more of the bothersomeness of my existence. The seconds of silence between us prolonged into eons, our gazes locked as they were in gruelling torment. In this moment, I felt a certain revelation even the stained glass within the church walls could not bring. Wretchedness before the divine. You are of a poisonous, yet overwhelming beauty, my Lady. Lithe and immaculate, you are as a viper of myriad beautiful scales, and to approach is to fall prey to venom. I began to part my lips to speak, but you would speak first. (text-colour:red)[["Beg for your life, sister."]] (text-colour:red)[["Beg for your death, sister."]]

I understood. The vultures gather beyond my moribundity this night. It demanded me of a long silence, that I would understand the gravitas of what is asked of me. You toy with your prey, this I know, but you also demand in earnest. My hands clasped in front of me, a finger-wrought prayer to both my God and yourself. I suspected you cared not for such displays, but if even a sliver of mercy or piety lived within you, you would understand my plight. "My lady..." My voice was shattered and weak, and my words were scarcely audible even to myself. "I am but a humble sister. Please, I beg of you, my work is not yet done." I wish I could have claimed to myself that I was unafraid to die, but beneath the glistened veneer of my eyes, I begged to the Lord that he not take me yet. I felt the cold skin of my face excoriated by a single tear, which felt keen as a razor from the night's chill. [[Whether this amused or not, I could not gather. Your visage was unmoved, yet you grasped for my throat.]]

I understood. The bell tolls for me this night. It demanded me of a long silence, that I would understand the gravitas of what is asked of me. You toy with your prey, this I know, but you also demand in earnest. My hands clasped in front of me, a finger-wrought prayer to both my God and yourself. I suspected you cared not for such displays, but if even a sliver of mercy or piety lived within you, you would understand my plight. "My lady..." My voice was shattered and weak, and my words were scarcely audible even to myself. "Do with me as you please. I am yours to sate yourself with." I wish I could have claimed to myself that I was unafraid to die, but beneath the glistened veneer of my eyes, I begged to the Lord that he not take me yet. I felt the cold skin of my face excoriated by a single tear, which felt keen as a razor from the night's chill. [[Whether this amused or not, I could not gather. Your visage was unmoved, yet you grasped for my throat.]]

My own attempt to wrench your arm away was as reflexive as it was futile. I am no warrior, but even if I were, it would have made no difference. Your grasp was immovable steel, and all my desperate strength was merely a pebble against the ocean. Even though I felt it wise to make no show of defiance or struggle, I could not withstand the pain nor the pressure. Terrible, strained breaths escaped my throat, and fearful tears ran down my cheeks. My heart and lungs endeavoured their valorous last to keep me alive, yet this end was inevitable. The strength left my legs first, as gravity pulled my weakened form down. Then my arms, as my fingers could defy no longer. Then my eyes, as my vision grew blurry and dark. A more pious, more proper woman than myself would have felt no fear, for I knew He would greet me soon. Yet I was afraid. In my final, lucid moment, I cursed my bare stupidity for claiming my own life. [[And then your hand tore away, taking a slick of blood from your nails. I would yet live.]]

The desperation of my renewed vitality burned away what was left of my grace, and I collapsed to my knees in pathetic weakness. I was deeply ashamed that you bore witness to it, be it yielded by your own hand or not. Compelled by excruciating shock and agony, I coughed as if plague itself had claimed me, while applying a firm hand to the stinging wound that now lay over my neck. I knew not what had caused it until I had gathered the strength to raise my head even slightly. The first finger of your right hand was painted in red, your nails shorn to a point. I stared as if mesmerised by the drops that gathered and then fell. The cut on my neck was shallow, yet throbbed with painful tempo. My other hand could only plant on the cold cobblestone, where before I could stand with two legs, thereafter could I barely remain steady with one arm and a kneel. My chest, my hand, the pale of my habit, all stained with the red life of what you had either stolen, or rightfully conquered. (text-colour:red)[["Does it hurt, sister?"]]

I could not yet answer. I could not yet speak. Attempts would fruit only futile gasps of air as I choked on my own blood and fear. I tightly clutched my wound, helplessly victim to your approach. You stood, towered over me like the Colossus. The moonlight shone on your back, strands of hair and fabric catching its light in an ethereal splendour, yet occluding your face, your terrifying and sadistic visage. (text-colour:red)["Well?"] I simply had no limb nor energy to defy nor defend, and my gaze clung to the approach of your bloodied hand. It violated through the hood of my habit, merely pushing it away as your fingers slid between locks of my hair and gripped tightly. "Mercy... my Lady..." Each word that left my lips was saturated in all the pain and despair I could offer. I did not wish to die, this I will not refute. But I understood, it was not my life you sought, it was my suffering. [["Mercy..."]]

A mere turn of your hand, and I was compelled to obey, my gaze forced upward, my throat straight, my mouth slightly agape, my eyes wide and awash with tears. (text-colour:red)["I should thank you, sister."] Your voice would be a beautiful contralto were it not so coloured with cruelty. (text-colour:red)["It is not often that they offer themselves so politely."] I could naught but swallow with terror. It is true. I offered myself, knowing full well the danger. Hubris or tragedy, this was the risk. And yet I could still not summon any more words nor action. All I could muster was to keep my eyes looking into yours, as dire as they were, the disdain growing within them. (text-colour:red)[["Such a fragile little maiden, and I have barely hurt you. Was it really so wise to rush to your martyrdom?"]]

What did you intend? To exsanguinate me? To devour me? To indignify me in the view of my God? "My Lady..." Even still, I intended no offence, but it seemed my mere presence offended you. The gnash of your teeth glinted visible past your open mouth. (text-colour:red)["How delicate these little pious ones are."] I would protest, but that seemed unwise. (text-colour:red)[["Worry not, dear little sister. I shall make this quick."]]

I was unsure how to apologise. As long as it had taken me, I understood you had played some sort of amusement on my behalf, and yet I was only accustomed to the austerity and senile humour of the brethren here. Despite the chill of the night, the blood ran to my face. Was I to burn at your pyre without you nary even striking a flint? "Ah, do... do you jest, my Lady?" My words were uneven and graceless, a perfect embodiment of how my temperament grew unsteady and awkward beneath my habit. (text-colour:red)["What cause have I for jesting, sister?"] [[Again, I heard the song in your voice, and yet I had no crewmen to lash me to the mast.]]

You stepped forth, and with a delicate thumb, caressed my anxious cheek. (text-colour:red)["Rather, I am quite upset that such a humble beauty would be so hidden from me."] Humble beauty? I am a nun, my Lady! Do you seek to damn yourself? To damn the both of us? How was I to respond? Was I to admonish you, or to curtly remind you of our stations? Surely, even you know of our vows. In my stupefaction, I was denied both speech and action. The most bitter, famine-bringing winter could not reduce me to less motion than your actions had. No, that is not entirely true. I managed one blink, perhaps two. To lash this bleeding wound further, this amused you. You laughed. Sweetly, I cannot deny. It brought within me some undescribable indignity. You are a fatuous nymph, my Lady. (text-colour:red)[["Ahaha! Why must you be so dour, sister? You wound me so."]]

Is this to be my trial? The test of my faith? Your irreverence was insincere and hollow, my Lady. But I could not deny there was a strange sweetness within your words. "Dour? I do sincerely... apologise... my Lady, I am simply unaccustomed t--" I spoke with the honesty of my post, but as I did, you lowered your hand along the front of my body. I forgave its voyage from my face, down my breast, but along my arm to grasp my hand was enough to silence me. I yet again could find no verbiage, and this delighted you still. Your hand met with mine, our cold fingers intertwined. "My... Lady?" You were planning something devil-sent. Of this I was sure. (text-colour:red)[["Come. Dance with me, sister."]]

It was at precisely this moment that I understood, for tonight, my body did not belong to me. I had permitted it to be your mere plaything, as helplessness as the leaf is to the wind, so was I pulled into your puellile desire. Yet, I cannot claim the feeling is entirely unpleasant. I allowed myself to step with you into the open of the grass in front of the church, free out from the threshold of the building and into the open, star-filled sky. "But I cannot dance, my Lady!" You cared not for my prior protestion, thus I brooked no illusion that you would start. And yet, I began to wonder if that was perhaps my preference. (text-colour:red)["None come from the womb knowing! I shall lead, and you shall follow, my dear sister."] Lord, grant me chastity and continence. [[But not yet.]]

(text-colour:red)["One..."] I have never danced in such a way before. (text-colour:red)["Two..."] I knew these courtly dances only by hearsay and legend. (text-colour:red)["Three.."] And yet with you, it is as if I had been doing it my entire life. (text-colour:red)["Forward, two, three!"] Allow the stars witness, if they may. (text-colour:red)["Twirl, two, three!"] The Lord, too. I carry no guilt. (text-colour:red)[["You're smiling, sister."]]

I am not ashamed. But I am surprised. "Ah... well, I..." I am sure this would be understood without my saying so, but I was known even among the cloister for my dourness. This, you seem to have been spared from. Unusual for myself, yes, but you have conquered many of my firsts. "I thank you, my Lady. That was enjoyable." With these words, and with you, I felt not the cold from the night. Unusual, still, clasped so close in your embrace, your arms at my back, my gaze lifted to Heaven itself, witness to stars, and your seraphic face. And yet I could not help but wonder, what was your goal? Simple amusement? To adorn a mere peahen with your cosmopolitan luxury? From my base perspective, I did not know, and perhaps I could not conceive. With no loss in my stability, you took one of your arms to again brush my face, a tender finger along my lips. I could not understand your desires. (text-colour:red)[["May I?"]]

So hot flowed the blood beneath my skin. So loud did my heart pound. It was as my quivering eyes met with the sharp exactitude of yours did I finally understand my own ignorance, my Lady. Earthly excess. Weaknesses of the flesh. Sin. I have understood these to be sleeping an hour or two past the rise of the sun, or a second helping of meal when one already feels no more hunger. These, now, seem to me the most miniscule of trivialities. Forgivable. Hardly sins at all. I am so very weak, in both body and soul. [["You may."]]

Your lips were so very cold, and I could feel no breath flow against my skin. Your tongue, too, was frigid and slick, and felt as if wrapped in ice. Even as close as we were, clutched so tightly, I could feel no heartbeat nor the coursing of nerves. Does your blood simply hang still in your veins, my Lady? I could ascertain no working of your form. You are a being that should not be. The divine spark of life is not within you. I understand, then, why they claim you to exist in defiance of Him. But this is not my concern, nor my burden. Those with little, want. Those without, need. And I shall not turn away the needy, no matter their origin. Partake in my warmth as you wish, my Lady. I have more than enough. Such an invitation was unspoken, but it did not need to be so. I need not repeat my vows, but I reckoned that your desire for the sweetness of my body eclipsed even the most profligate husband. [[It would be a long time, but you eventually pulled away, with a satisfaction in your eyes.]]

Cold and corpselike you may have been, the joyful smite writ on your lips spoke to me of your spirit. It was beautiful to see. In myriad ways are we unalike, but in this, we are not. (text-colour:red)["Well? A night not wasted, would you not agree?'] Yes. A million times, yes. But I could not say it. Despite our transaction, my face ran simply too hot. My mouth could not provide words. I could not bring myself to more than a slow nod. (text-colour:red)["Aha, still so shy? After all we have shared, dear sister?'] Such words caused me to grit my teeth together and avert my eyes, even if only for a moment. My dignity and desire both caused me to defend myself, and yet, for a moment, I worried that you may cease your pursuit upon acknowledging my apparent discomfort. I did not want that. "Why me, my Lady?" (text-colour:red)[["Why? Is it truly so unusual?"]]

"I am a mere woman of the cloth, my Lady. What delights you in me so?" (text-colour:red)["You are more than that."] "How do you mean?" (text-colour:red)["You held your hand out and judged not, despite my nature."] "That is but our custom." (text-colour:red)["Your custom, and yet not your deed."] "We... are not all perfect and able to do as He commands, my Lady." (text-colour:red)["Aha. Again, you misjudge."] "How?!" (text-colour:red)['You are indeed perfect."] "Y-you must not flatter me so, my Lady! I do as the Lord asks. I shall not shun the needy."] (text-colour:red)[["Ah? Needy?"]]

I spoke in earnest, but again, clumsily. Again and again, I offend you. Again and again, you forgive me. I am a fool and you are a saint. But more words would not be my concession for yet another misstep. Instead, I raised a hand to my chest. With a single finger, I pulled away the fabric of my habit, away from my neck. Once the draft of the night's chill greeted me so keenly there, I turned my head away, ever more vulnerable. My eyes, too, averted. I heard your laugh of contented acknowledgement, and I hoped so very much that this would delight you. A small repayment for your kindness. And here, I closed my eyes. I felt your finger again trace on my skin, this time over the thin, so unblemished length of my neck. (text-colour:red)[["Dear sister, you were hoping for this, were you not?"]]

It was true. But I simply could not speak the words, for guilt silenced my tongue. And that guilt felt as myriad blades neath my skin. Was it truly so wrong? Have I damned myself thus? I had made my vows, and pleasures of the flesh were to be renounced. And yet I have not. I simply could not speak, and the pain of my conscience brought me to tears. Pathetic, am I not? I regret to offer you such a display, my Lady. [[Yet you held me in your arms, even as I silently cried.]]

(text-color:red)["Bear not their shame, my dear."] A soft swipe of your hand against my cheek wiped away my tears, and I saw you anew. Delicate and kind. A sweet nature beyond my belief. (text-color:red)["For you are only human, are you not?"] Human, thus sinful, yes. This I knew and studied well. Yet hearing it from your words carried with them so much comfort. I could not silence my blighted conscience, but for you, I would atone for any sin. Alas, even in gratitude, I could still offer no words. Such would be sharing responsibility of which I already feel too heavy. But you needed them not, for I saw the reciprocal hunger in your eyes. (text-color:red)[["Close your eyes, dear sister."]]

Simply so, I did as commanded. Whether to spare me from the sight of your unholy hunger, or for the pleasure for your dominion over me, it mattered to me not. The tears no longer did flow, and again my breath became still and steady. I expected agony, but I did not receive it. Instead, the feeling was warm, as if slowly sinking into tepid water. Dizzying and indulgent, and in my addled mind, I would then come to understand the ease with which your predatory kind claims prey. Is it not that I could not struggle or cry out, it is that I would not. I could not but surrender all vestiges of conscious control over myself, and were you here for my life, you would have surely taken it. And as I lay in your arms, ensnared in your majesty, I allowed myself but one more indulgent thought. Do I please you? Shall you partake of me again? [[Tragically did this moment last too short, but I understood why.]]

I opened my eyes again, and allowed you to lift me back to my own feet. I felt colder and weaker. More tired, and less lucid. All a small price to pay for the fair smile that coloured your face, and the taste of myself which clung wet to your lips. "M-my... Lady..." My words were heavy and awkward, mumbled impolitely and incoherently. It would begin to labour me now, but you had taken more of me than I had expected. Yet it bothered you not, as you took a tender hand, pale and helpless, in your own. (text-color:red)["Yes?"] This shall be an audacious ask, and I ask that is forgiven. But ask I must. "Shall I... ever see you again?" Had I blood left to blush, I would, but instead swayed in my step. (text-color:red)[["You shall."]]

(text-color:red)["Wait for me here, as you have done. And this I promise you, we shall see each other again."] (align:"=><=")+(box:"X=")["ENDING: REUNION"] [[Back to the beginning?|Start]]

"...Do as you please, my Lady." Odd, then, and perhaps somewhat presumptuous to simply repeat myself, and yet it was the earnest words I found within myself. It was not mere politeness, it was my desire, for I found myself caring only for your will. Perhaps it was only vain comfort in my powerless state, and yet I felt I would not choose otherwise even were I able to. (text-color:red)["Very well..."] Your words were quiet, and yet no less commanding. A siren-like whisper, and thus I was dragged to my doom. [[I closed my eyes, and simply allowed you in.]]

I did not know what to expect. Pain, perhaps. Unpleasantness of some variety or another. Whatever dire tribulation, I would oblige. And yet it was not so. I heard you laugh ever so quietly. A personal amusement at my expense, perhaps, of my tenderness, or my naivete. So I gathered, I was not your first, and shall not be your last. Many such victuals have laid still and helpless before your fangs, have they not? Instead, I felt an odd calm. A gentleness swept my body. Unsavoury and unholy as it was, I would dare describe it as pleasant. How might this be? I had no answer, and felt some passing, strange guilt in thinking so. Did your paralytic venom affect the body, or merely the mind? [[And before long, I felt my strength leave me.]]

It cannot have been long, but it felt indeed so. Seconds passed such that I could no longer count them. My limbs grew weary. My body ran cold. And it was not long since I had no strength left to stand, instead only held up by your arms. Yet I felt a strange peace. (text-color:red)["You are a kind soul, dear sister."] That was all my intention. Whatever response, protest or gratitude, I could not offer it. (text-color:red)["I shall lay you beneath the threshold."] Would dawn come soon? I knew not. (text-color:red)[["And your memory of this will be but a sweet dream."]]

I know not how long it had been, or where you had gone. And amidst the gentle morning sun, and the sweetness of the bird song, I thought of you. (align:"=><=")+(box:"X=")["ENDING: HONESTY"] [[Back to the beginning?|Start]]

Of the many barbed words you have offered me, these were the cruelest. I did not know what caused your ire so. Perhaps I could not. Perhaps it is simply in your nature to dominate. As man culls livestock simply because it is his right, you cull those beneath you. I did not offer struggle nor protest, and instead in what I considered my final moments, I thought of my God, and how He might deliver me. Unfortunate, perhaps, but such is the trial I invoked upon myself. You brought your fangs down upon me in fierce, burning pain. I felt both collapsed and strangled, and yet had no strength to offer a reprisal. [[How cruel. How very cruel.]]

The other men and women of the convent found me in the morning, weak and delirious, sunk in a dried pool of my own blood. They asked of the night's events, and yet I could not tell them. (align:"=><=")+(box:"X=")["ENDING:CONQEUROR"] [[Back to the beginning?|Start]]

I did not know. I presume I never will. And I shall keep this night a secret, wondering of you for the rest of my nights. (align:"=><=")+(box:"X=")["ENDING: REFUSAL"] [[Back to the beginning?|Start]]